Return to Onederland

You know it’s a busy week for me when I either: 1) don’t post at all, or 2) fall back on the classic weight loss topic. You’re in luck for two reasons this week: 1) it’s the latter, and 2) there’s actually something to report. Actually, two things: 1) the latest diet started out great, and 2) then it stopped. My guess is at this point one of two things will happen: 1) you’ll keep reading this post, or 2) you’re about to close this web page.

Back in January, I wrote about my weight ups and downs between 2013 and 2016. In a nutshell: I got back to Onederland in a big way during cancer treatment, somehow continued to lose weight through 2014 (getting to a near all-time low by Thanksgiving that year), and then quickly gained forty pounds back by January 1, 2017.

So I decided to do something about it. I carefully constructed a new, never-before-tried diet. I call it the Charlie Diet. Here’s how it goes.

  • Don’t eat 1,500 calories of Chex Mix each day.
  • Don’t eat a bag of holiday candy.
  • Don’t eat more than eight slices of pizza at once.
  • Don’t eat Cap’n Crunch out of the Kitchenaid mixing bowl.
  • If there’s time, exercise.

One of my few superpowers is the ability to lose weight very quickly after it’s been gained very quickly. And this time was no different. In the first four days of the Charlie Diet, I lost five pounds. I knew I was onto something!

But then something happened. Lots of things happened. Food kept going in my mouth without my permission. It wasn’t as bad as my previous 4,000 calorie-per-day run, but it was enough to stop the weight loss in its tracks. More than a month went by and all I did was bounce around that five-pound mark.

“It’s okay. It’s still early in the year. You got this,” I reassured myself with my hand in a bag of Doritos. I gained four pounds then lost four pounds. After nearly two months on the Charlie Diet, I had still lost the same amount of weight as I had in the first five days:

Then it happened. The thing that was missing. The Switch. I couldn’t make anything happen because The Switch was off. If you’ve been following me for a long time, you know what The Switch is. When it’s on, it’s on. When it’s off, it’s off. And sadly, we can’t directly control it.

But something happened. I don’t know what. And The Switch flipped on. I carefully constructed a new, never-before-tried diet. I call it the Charlie Diet. Here’s how it goes.

  • No breakfast.
  • No lunch.
  • Apples and bananas for snacks.
  • And in the immortal words of Slim-Fast, a sensible meal for dinner.

Max calories for each day is 1,800 but I come in way below that most days. I started on this February 20. Things were still flat for a while, but then my body realized something was up and responded.

Tune in next fall for my magnificent, “I’m down thirty pounds!” post.

Then tun in again next January for my sad, “I gained it all back!” post.

4 Comments for “Return to Onederland”

says:

I have a Switch! It’s only been turned on three times in my life, but I do have one. I’d like for it to turn on and then stay on. Please and thank you.

Charlie

says:

Hmmm, I’m not sure how many times mine’s switched on. There’s now. There was 2014. DEFINITELY a big one in 2001. Probably a couple in between.

Yeah, that’s the worst part of it. We can’t turn it on or off voluntarily. So we need to really capitalize on it when it does happen. 🙂

says:

My switch has been on for a while. The one thing that I am trying to ditch is the “good vs. bad” food. If I ate something I thought was “bad” I’d tell myself I had no self control, which led to less self control, which would make me eat like crap for a day, a week, months even!

In 2013 it took me six months to lose 20 pounds, and I am happy to say I am at a new low weight for me 157! Only 8 pounds to the 140s! Eeek!

Hannah keeps telling me I need to buy new pants 😀

Charlie

says:

Sadly, but not unexpectedly, the weight loss stopped dead in its tracks right after this post. That always happens. As soon as I broadcast “success!” to the world, it stops.

Oddly enough, I’m right back to where I was five years ago, to the month: hovering just above that Onederland point and the scale refusing to budge.

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