Ah, it’s that time of year again. Fall.
It is, without a doubt, my favorite time of the year. The weather changes (for the better). The trees change (for the prettier). And there’s just something about Halloweentime that touches me deep in the DNA.
Fifteen years ago we moved to Austin. There’s plenty to like about the relocation, but one lingering aspect that will likely trouble me forever is that my least favorite season (summer) is twice as long as it should be. Consequently, it squeezes my most favorite season down to about half as long as what I grew up with. (That said, I’ve never been buried under seventeen feet of snow here, so overall, I think I’m okay with it.)
If I had to pick just one thing about the season I like above everything else . . . well, I couldn’t do it. There are simply too many good things to pick from. I think this is one of those areas where each individual aspect is my favorite and I just rotate through them.
This would, come to think of it, give me a distinct advantage if I were ever on Jeopardy and got a whole category on the subject. I bet that would probably go something like this:
Alex Trebek: “Starting our next round. The categories are Things, Stuff, Objects, Items, Doodads, and Fall For It. Charlie, the board is yours.”
Charlie: “I’ll take Fall for It for ten thousand, Alex.”
Alex: “Ten thousand isn’t an option.”
Charlie: “Oh. Okay. I’ll take Fall for It for . . . two hundred?”
Alex: “Fall for It for two hundred. This near-omnipresent flavoring effectively defines the fall season.”
*beep beep beep*
Charlie: “Pumpkin spice!”
Alex: “Your response needs to be in the form of a question.”
Charlie: “Pumpkin spice?”
Alex [muttering to himself]: “I knew I should’ve retired last season.”
Charlie: “Shouldn’t we be getting on to the whole point of this blog post?”
Alex: “Best question I’ve heard all day.”
The History of Pumpkin Spice
Pumpkin spice is a blend of spices most commonly used to make the greatest dessert ever: pumpkin pie. It is made up of:
- Crack cocaine
Early on in American history, around the year 1995, if you asked the average person what this spice was for, the answer would be, “Uhhh. Pumpkin pie. Duh.”
Later on in American history, around 2003, Starbucks decided that its stock price needed to triple. To further expand the definition of “holidays”, they developed a new fall flavoring. The process involved roasting pumpkin pies, grinding them up, and sprinkling them over every single product they sold. Reception was extremely positive. In fact, The Pumpkin Spice Latte is single-handedly responsible for the creation of Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube.
Thus began another beloved craze. In the decade or more since, the application of pumpkin spice (which, ironically, only occasionally involves actual pumpkins: instead just the spices associated with pumpkins) has increased 177% per annum.
You might be complaining about this. I am not. I’ll fall for any product that has pumpkin spice slapped on the label: pumpkin pies, cookies, muffins, pumpkin pies, bread, pumpkin pies. The list goes on.
You might be thinking, “Enough already!” I am not. There is no such thing as too much when it comes to pumpkin pie spices. To that end, I would like to add a few recipes of my own, for your season enjoyment.
Charlie’s Pumpkin Spice Recipes
- 1 to 4 cups pumpkin pie spice
- 1 package Oreos
- Open package of Oreos.
- Twist off the top cookie, exposing filling.
- Spread on table.
- Dump pumpkin spice over open-faced Oreos.
- Eat immediately.
- 1 can of tomato soup
- 1 cup of pumpkin spice
- Prepare soup according to directions.
- Dump pumpkin spice on top of soup.
- Serve immediately.
- 1 gallon of Clorox bleach
- 1 gallon of pumpkin spice
- In a five gallon bucket, mix Clorox and pumpkin spice.
- Apply to your clothes.
- Note: adding Pumpkin Spice Clorox to your clothes may alter the color of your clothes. But that’s okay, because pumpkin spice.