Internet Moon

Don’t get me wrong, I like the internet. I use it to educate myself. I listen to most of my music on it. And, most importantly, it’s where I keep my blog. The internet is awesome. It’s hard to imagine the days where I couldn’t click a button and immediately find a picture of a cat.

And like many inventions, it’s exposed the both the best and worst sides of humanity. While it’s easy to say that the internet merely uncovered things that were already there, I don’t know. Take something that was “already there” and instantaneously connect it to a billion minds, and my guess is you’ve also added something new to it.

Toward the “worst” end of the internet’s best-worst continuum lies is a real pet peeve of mine: misinformation. While misinformation isn’t true, it’s also not necessarily a lie. A lie is a known falsehood with an intent to deceive. Misinformation is that benign ignorance that typically begins with an uncited “I read somewhere…”

In the last day or two you’ve probably seen articles about today’s Strawberry Moon. They all say the same thing, “rare event”, “special treat”, and, of course, “spectacular.” Let’s take a look at them and then translate the internet-speak into plain language. Oh boy, this is going to be fun!

Here is when you’ll see this spectacular event. The strawberry moon will reach its full peak which occurs when the moon’s on the exact opposite side of the earth as the sun.

This is a load of fancy words to describe every full moon. They might as well describe a sunrise as, “This spectacular event only happens when your position on the earth’s surface rotates into the path of light emitted from the sun.”

As the last full moon of spring, stargazers can expect the moon to be big and bright.

Stargazers can expect this moon to look like every other moon.

Break out your telescope and bring a picnic dinner because it is set to be spectacular.

Dinner? Only if you’re in Europe. If you’re west of the Atlantic, this happens before breakfast. Also: it’s not “set to be spectacular.” It’s just a full moon.

June’s full moon is a long-awaited event for devoted and amateur sky-watchers alike, representing a rare opportunity to witness the annual cosmic treat.

It’s not long-awaited. And did you actually use “rare” and “annual” in the same sentence? Further, this “rare” and “annual” event happens every twenty eight days.

It’s exasperating reading some of this stuff. And it’s not just the Strawberry Moon. But we get these spectacular and rare events with the Pink Moon, the Blue Moon, the Harvest Moon, and any other time an online presence needs some content to drive click-revenue. (And don’t even get me started about the Super moon.)

So what’s a guy to do? Well, as the Roman philosopher Plato once said, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!” So in that light I’d like to announce…

Stargazers worldwide will turn their eyes to the heavens in July 2017 for a rare and spectacular celestial event. The Internet Moon will be at its closest position to earth in 319 years! At this position it will appear twice as large as normal. Further, the Internet Moon always radiates a brilliant violet glow. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime event!

How’d I do?

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